Need Help Now?

Need Help Now?

Call 0800 HeyBro (439 276)

Keeping Whanau Safe

This number is setup for men who feel they’re going to self-harm or harm a loved one or whanau member.

We’re here to support 24/7 to listen and to help so give us a call next time you’re on the edge!

Here is a list of other numbers that you could ring:

• • TEXT 1737 ANYTIME TO SPEAK WITH A TRAINED COUNSELLOR.
  • LIFELINE – 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 (AUCKLAND)
  • SUICIDE CRISIS – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAU TOKO)
  • HEALTHLINE – 0800 611 116
  • SAMARITANS – 0800 726 666
  • DEPRESSION HELPLINE – 0800 111 757 or FREE TEXT 4202
  • WWW.DEPRESSION.ORG.NZ
  • HELP FOR PARENTS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS: PARENT HELP – 0800 568 856
  • FAMILY SERVICES 211 HELPLINE – 0800 211 211 (HEALTH AND SOCIAL SUPPORT)
  • STAYLIGHT – 0800 299 100 ( SUPPORT FOR LOSS, TRAUMA AND GRIEF – 9-5 WEEKDAYS)
  • ALCOHOL AND DRUG HELPLINE – 0800 787 797
  • ARE YOU OK? – 0800 456 450 (FAMILY VIOLENCE)
  • SHINE – 0800 744 633 (DOMESTIC ABUSE)
  • GAMBLING HELPLINE – 0800 654 655
  • QUIT LINE – 0800 778 778 (QUIT SMOKING)

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Are you seeking a service to help you or someone else you’re concerned about with a drinking or drug problem?

Just call the Helpline on 0800 787 797 and one of our counselors will guide you step by step. It’s free. it’s confidential. Checkout website for more info – alcoholdrughelp.org.nz

Narcotics Anonymous Aotearoa New Zealand

Need help with a drug problem or are interested in attending an NA meeting.

You can also call 0800 NA TODAY (0800 628 632) for more info – na

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MANA MAN KEY MESSENGERS

What is MANA and what does it mean?

Mana (noun) is prestige, authority, control, power, influence, status, leadership.

Impact of colonisation has triggered a belief in young men that MANA is about exerting power and control on another person, and it looks like…

• • Being tuff, Show no fear, No emotions, Controlling your Women and Children

  • Show the boys you can fight and drink heaps of piss

  • Show off your Mana by shouting the boys piss and drugs

  • Get your wife to cook the brothers some eggs

  • Show the brothers your staunch on the rugby field and so forth…

The Mana Mana movement teaches men that MANA is about being…

Humble, Kind, Considerate, Patient, Understanding, Giving, Respectful, Listens, Empathetic, Honest, Responsible and Contributes to Society.

OPENS UP! – NOT HARDEN UP!

• • Admits when he is wrong and Apologizes

  • Doesn’t put you down or shame you in public

  • Man’s Up to his issues and takes positive actions to rectify the issue

  • Not perfect, but try’s to do the right thing

  • Never gives up on hope

  • Protects the Vulnerable

  • Speaks out against Violence and bullying.

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WHITE RIBBON KEY MESSENGERS

CHALLENGE THE #UNSPOKEN RULES

• • #UnspokenRules are the expectations that boys and young men inherit from society, based on outdated ideas of what a man is, how he acts, and how he should express himself.

  • Even if we don’t agree with them, these rules still exist silently in the background for far too many. Rules like, Be the Man, Toughen Up and Boys Don’t Cry reinforce unhelpful stereotypes about what it is to be a man.

  • These #unspoken rules put pressure on boys and young men to behave in certain ways and dismiss behaviours perceived as“unmanly”, leading them to suppress their emotions and their individuality. This affects how our boys and young men feel about themselves, and how they treat others. It affects how they approach their relationships, and can lead them to act disrespectfully – even violently – toward their partners.

  • We have the opportunity to use our voices as parents, caregivers and influencers to speak up over the #unspoken. By saying out loud to our boys and young men that it’s ok for them to be who they are, we can encourage them to define themselves as men who have respectful relationships – protecting our whole community.

For more information on the #UnspokenRules campaign https://whiteribbon.org.nz/home/campaigns/ 

 VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE

• • It’s OK to ask for or offer help

  • No violence is tolerable.  If you know someone who is being frightened or intimidated by the behaviour of someone else, it is not OK.

  • Violence isn’t just physical.  It’s also emotional or verbal behaviour used to control someone through fear.

 VIOLENCE IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL

• • Psychological/emotional violence is a very common form of violence experienced by women and children. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse.Psychological/emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercion, and affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and feel like they have no choices and are often made to feel like it’s their fault.This form of abuse is often underestimated. It’s not recognised by many people because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem and its effects can last the longest.

MEN ARE PART OF THE SOLUTION

• • Whether you are a husband, father, son, brother, uncle or granddad – we all have women in our lives that we love and wouldn’t want to see subjected to violence.

  • The campaign aims to change men’s attitudes and behaviours, predominantly through men talking to men.  Men are role models for our children.  We need to nurture a culture that encourages respect and rejects violence.

  • Like our White Ribbon Ambassador, Ruben Wiki, we can play sports and engage in physical activities with controlled aggression, but we must not bring violence into our homes.

  • By wearing a White Ribbon, you can make it clear to other men that you do not tolerate violence towards women. White Ribbon Day is the international day when people, particularly men, wear a White Ribbon to show they won’t tolerate, condone or remain silent about violence towards women.

  • You can also make sure your home, business, sports club is a safe environment where abusive behaviour is not tolerated.

  • You can break the silence around domestic violence by challenging comments, statement and actions that are abusive, and supporting those who wish to change their abusive behaviour.

YOU CAN HELP FIX THIS PROBLEM

• • Check that your actions and those of your mates are OK.  Be man enough to make a call on inappropriate behaviour.

  • Make sure the women you know are OK.  If not, start a conversation with them, with their partners, or with someone who can help.

  • For advice, call the helplines It’s Not Ok 0800 456 450 or Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843 or visit nnsvs.org.nz

  • Wear a white ribbon every day, join a White Ribbon project or activity and show your support!

KEY STATISTICS

• • One in three women will experience partner violence at some point in their lives[i]

  • On average, 14 women are killed by their partners or ex partners in New Zealand each year.[ii]

  • Over 3,500 convictions are recorded against men each year for assaults on women[iii]

  • Only 20% of abuse cases are reported[iv]

The White Ribbon Campaign Trust and White Ribbon Committee work with multiple agencies and NGOs to coordinate the national campaign.  The White Ribbon campaign compliments but is separate to the family violence It’s Not OK campaign. White Ribbon sits outside of government.

NON PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

• • Psychological/emotional violence is a very common form of violence experienced by women and children. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse.Psychological/emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercion, and affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and feel like they have no choices and are often made to feel like it’s their fault.This form of abuse is often underestimated. It’s not recognised by many people because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem and its effects can last the longest.

Psychological Violence includes:

        Threats to take the kids/hurt the kids

        Threats to hurt pets

        Damaging property/walls/possessions to scare you

        Stalking, following, checking up on you, possessiveness, excessive jealousness

        Making you isolated and alone

        Blaming everything on you, making you feel everything you do is wrong

        Name calling and put downs, e.g. humiliating you in front of friends

        Isolating you from family and friends

        Using unsafe driving to frighten you

        Making you feel scared

        Controlling what you do, how you spend money (controlling your choices)

Effects of psychological/emotional violence include:

        Physical injury

        Living in constant fear

        Feeling worthless

        Low self-esteem and loss of confidence

        Depression

        Feeling out of control

        A distorted sense of reality

        Feeling suicidal/committing suicide/self-harm

        Violent thoughts or actions

        Alcohol and drug abuse

        Mental illness

        Anxiety and worry

        Inability to hold down work

        Feeling whakama/shame, guilt or embarrassment

        Withdrawing from family and friends

        Bad relationships between you and your children

        Eating and sleeping problems

        Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (ptsd)

        Loss of energy, feeling apathetic

        Loss of community and culture

        Self-blame

        Hurting others that are close

        Copying controlling and violent behaviour

 What action can you take?

By naming the behaviour as violence, we say this behaviour is not ok. If someone is suffering from non-physical violence you can:

• • Listen

  • Be there

  • Look after the children

  • Offer practical help

  • Get help from It’s Not Ok – 0800 456 450, Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843, Shakti, Te Kaupenga/NNSVS, Shine, Police, Family Services Directory

When helping:

• • Give support, not advice

  • Take violence seriously

  • Challenge the behaviour, not the person

  • Think about (their/your) safety

  • Don’t intervene in a violent situation or when people are angry or drunk

  • Choose a quiet time

How will the campaign deliver the non-physical violence messages?

The campaign will use this language; ‘Violence isn’t just physical, it’s also emotional or verbal behaviour used to control someone through fear. Things we say, or don’t say, contribute to the abuse. Using fear or domination to get what you want is not OK’. The messages will be included part way through the campaign, so that the early focus of the media is about a men’s movement.

• • name the behaviour that is described as non-physical violence

  • name the effects of non-physical violence

  • inform the public what action they can take