Mana (noun) is prestige, authority, control, power, influence, status, leadership.
Impact of colonization has triggered a view in young men that MANA is about exerting power and control on another person, and it looks like…
Being tuff, Show no fear, No emotions, Controlling your Women and Children
Show the boys you can fight and drink heaps of piss
Show off your Mana by shouting the boys piss and drugs
Get your wife to cook the brothers some eggs
Show the brothers your staunch on the rugby field and so forth…
The Mana Mana movement teaches men that MANA is about being…
Humble, Kind, Considerate, Patient, Understanding, Giving, Respectful, Listens, Empathetic, Honest, Responsible and Contributes to Society.
OPENS UP! – NOT HARDEN UP!
Admits when he is wrong and Apologizes
Doesn’t put you down or shame you in public
Man’s Up to his issues and takes positive actions to rectify the issue
Not perfect, but try’s to do the right thing
Never gives up on hope
Protects the Vulnerable
Speaks out against Violence and bullying.
WHITE RIBBON KEY MESSENGERS
CHALLENGE THE #UNSPOKEN RULES
#UnspokenRules are the expectations that boys and young men inherit from society, based on outdated ideas of what a man is, how he acts, and how he should express himself.
Even if we don’t agree with them, these rules still exist silently in the background for far too many. Rules like, Be the Man, Toughen Up and Boys Don’t Cry reinforce unhelpful stereotypes about what it is to be a man.
These #unspoken rules put pressure on boys and young men to behave in certain ways and dismiss behaviours perceived as “unmanly”, leading them to suppress their emotions and their individuality. This affects how our boys and young men feel about themselves, and how they treat others. It affects how they approach their relationships, and can lead them to act disrespectfully – even violently – toward their partners.
We have the opportunity to use our voices as parents, caregivers and influencers to speak up over the #unspoken. By saying out loud to our boys and young men that it’s ok for them to be who they are, we can encourage them to define themselves as men who have respectful relationships – protecting our whole community.
No violence is tolerable. If you know someone who is being frightened or intimidated by the behaviour of someone else, it is not OK.
Violence isn’t just physical. It’s also emotional or verbal behaviour used to control someone through fear.
VIOLENCE IS NOT JUST PHYSICAL
Psychological/emotional violence is a very common form of violence experienced by women and children. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse. Psychological/emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercion, and affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and feel like they have no choices and are often made to feel like it’s their fault. This form of abuse is often underestimated. It’s not recognized by many people because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem and its effects can last the longest.
MEN ARE PART OF THE SOLUTION
Whether you are a husband, father, son, brother, uncle or granddad – we all have women in our lives that we love and wouldn’t want to see subjected to violence.
The campaign aims to change men’s attitudes and behaviours, predominantly through men talking to men. Men are role models for our children. We need to nurture a culture that encourages respect and rejects violence.
Like our White Ribbon Ambassador, Ruben Wiki, we can play sports and engage in physical activities with controlled aggression, but we must not bring violence into our homes.
By wearing a White Ribbon, you can make it clear to other men that you do not tolerate violence towards women. White Ribbon Day is the international day when people, particularly men, wear a White Ribbon to show they won’t tolerate, condone or remain silent about violence towards women.
You can also make sure your home, business, sports club is a safe environment where abusive behaviour is not tolerated.
You can break the silence around domestic violence by challenging comments, statement and actions that are abusive, and supporting those who wish to change their abusive behaviour.
YOU CAN HELP FIX THIS PROBLEM
Check that your actions and those of your mates are OK. Be man enough to make a call on inappropriate behaviour.
Make sure the women you know are OK. If not, start a conversation with them, with their partners, or with someone who can help.
For advice, call the helplines It’s Not Ok 0800 456 450 or Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843 or visit nnsvs.org.nz
Wear a white ribbon every day, join a White Ribbon project or activity and show your support!
KEY STATISTICS
One in three women will experience partner violence at some point in their lives[i]
On average, 14 women are killed by their partners or ex partners in New Zealand each year.[ii]
Over 3,500 convictions are recorded against men each year for assaults on women[iii]
The White Ribbon Campaign Trust and White Ribbon Committee work with multiple agencies and NGOs to coordinate the national campaign. The White Ribbon campaign compliments but is separate to the family violence It’s Not OK campaign. White Ribbon sits outside of government.
NON PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
Psychological/emotional violence is a very common form of violence experienced by women and children. Many women say it is the worst kind of abuse. Psychological/emotional abuse is about manipulation and coercion, and affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and feel like they have no choices and are often made to feel like it’s their fault. This form of abuse is often underestimated. It’s not recognized by many people because it can be subtle and hidden. Survivors say psychological abuse attacks their spirit and self-esteem and its effects can last the longest.
Psychological Violence includes:
Threats to take the kids/hurt the kids
Threats to hurt pets
Damaging property/walls/possessions to scare you
Stalking, following, checking up on you, possessiveness, excessive jealousness
Making you isolated and alone
Blaming everything on you, making you feel everything you do is wrong
Name calling and put downs, e.g. humiliating you in front of friends
Isolating you from family and friends
Using unsafe driving to frighten you
Making you feel scared
Controlling what you do, how you spend money (controlling your choices)
Effects of psychological/emotional violence include:
Physical injury
Living in constant fear
Feeling worthless
Low self-esteem and loss of confidence
Depression
Feeling out of control
A distorted sense of reality
Feeling suicidal/committing suicide/self-harm
Violent thoughts or actions
Alcohol and drug abuse
Mental illness
Anxiety and worry
Inability to hold down work
Feeling whakama/shame, guilt or embarrassment
Withdrawing from family and friends
Bad relationships between you and your children
Eating and sleeping problems
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (ptsd)
Loss of energy, feeling apathetic
Loss of community and culture
Self-blame
Hurting others that are close
Copying controlling and violent behaviour
What action can you take?
By naming the behaviour as violence, we say this behaviour is not ok. If someone is suffering from non-physical violence you can:
Don’t intervene in a violent situation or when people are angry or drunk
Choose a quiet time
How will the campaign deliver the non-physical violence messages?
The campaign will use this language; ‘Violence isn’t just physical, it’s also emotional or verbal behaviour used to control someone through fear. Things we say, or don’t say, contribute to the abuse. Using fear or domination to get what you want is not OK’. The messages will be included part way through the campaign, so that the early focus of the media is about a men’s movement.
name the behaviour that is described as non-physical violence
